


Festive Hearts

by silasfinch



Series: A Tender Heart [6]
Category: Saving Hope (TV)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Communication Failure, F/F, Gen, Reunion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:40:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21765457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silasfinch/pseuds/silasfinch
Summary: A family reunion for Hanukkah at the hospital.
Relationships: Sydney Katz/Maggie Lin
Series: A Tender Heart [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/821913
Comments: 14
Kudos: 55





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [0mniessence](https://archiveofourown.org/users/0mniessence/gifts).



_Hope can be a powerful force. Maybe there's no actual magic in it, but when you know what you hope for most and hold it like a light within you, you can make things happen, almost like magic_. 

Laini Taylor American Novelist 

"You must have been a good girl this year, Dr Lin."

"Does anything about me imply that I subscribe to the notion of yearly tallies of behaviour, Zach?"

Maggie makes the statement without looking up from her charting. They are midway through a long shift full of the pre-Christmas chaos. People are vastly overestimating their coordination, pain tolerance or medication supplies. If Maggie was ever the type to write a 'medical memoir' tonight would provide plenty of material. Her mood doesn't improve with the constant references to the holiday. 

"Give me a break. I am a father of two; my life is about this stuff until January. My point is that Dr Katz is here with the misfortune of treating Mrs Appleby."

Maggie feels the familiar tension at the mention of Sydney's name. No matter how far apart they are hearing about the senior doctor still has the power to shock. Whatever her feelings towards Syd, no doctor deserves Mrs Appleby. Chontel, The patient, is demanding and entitled with more followers and assistants than family members it seems. These traits make the process of testing and treating an arduous one. However, publicity for the hospital is fact factor to consider according to the hospitals' legal team, with Hope Zion drama and this close to Christmas. 

Appleby is a social media and reality TV star who dominates Instagram and TV screens in the breakroom. However, all the fame in the world does not protect the woman from a difficult pregnancy with a sick baby who needs specialist treatment and observation. Most hospitals have a policy when treating famous people, to avoid disruption if nothing else. Dr Dawn Bell does not enjoy the interruption to the well-oiled machine. 

"Has Sydney requested me on her service?" 

Maggie works to keep her voice steady, but Zach is a friend and almost-boyfriend. He knows her well and can read her body language and too neutral tone. He moves to stand beside her pulling down more notes to sign. 

"No, but when has that mattered with the two of you? She is here for a reason since it's only been three months since her last visit. Zach points out unhelpfully. 

"Dr Katz will follow the call of any baby in distress. Her presence has nothing to do with me."

"Merry Christmas, Dr Lin"

***

"You drew the short straw?"

"No, it's more a case of am Jewish, have credentials, will travel."

"I can't imagine you were expecting a circus of assistants, make up artists and life coaches when you agreed to take the case," Maggie asks she comes into the room. 

"The particulars are irrelevant when you look at these scans. Babby Appleby needs all the help we can give him. I always volunteer to be on call at Christmas. Hayley is Dr Quincy patient, but he has done disaster relief in Afghanistan for the last six years. He deserves time with his family."

Sydney doesn't look up from the scans she is reviewing on the screen. She looks beautiful in the bright blue blazer and dress slacks. However, the look of fierce concentration as she considers a medical mystery is what Maggie misses the most. It doesn't take an expert to see that the baby's heart and chest cavity are not doing what they should be doing. It's unlikely that these images will be appearing on any holiday posts. 

"It's a shame you won't get the credit for any Christmas miracles?" Maggie jokes, pointing at the screen. 

"I'm not giving up on this little fighter yet; he is almost ready."

Despite her ambivalent feelings, Maggie can't help but smile at the determination in Sydney's voice. If anybody can find a different solution to this current health problem, it is the OBGYN. Maggie smiles as she seems the hand-drawn sketches of the heart and major vessels to perfect scale. 

"Let me know if I can do anything to help. Dawn wants all hands on deck to get the social media star out of here before Christmas. She doesn't want a festive baby or the possibility of junior doctors taking the case."

"Just like old times, we make a formidable team."

"I'll practice my rapid-fire dissertations just for you." 

Maggie hopes Sydney can't tell that her smile is almost fake. 

***

"No, I don't think so."

Sydney looks taken aback by Maggie's sharp refusal but no more so than Dr Lin herself. They are coming off the end of a long consultation with a pediatric cardiologist. The most natural thing in the world would be to commiserate over dinner. 

"I'm at my quota for the year."

Maggie knows she is acting like a defensive teenager, but she can't help it. It was too easy to fall back into a rhythm and pretend she will see Sydney every day and not for a week. Memories of past conversations and heartaches are too fresh. 

"Every time you come here and remind me how much I like having you around, it gets more painful watching you go, it's like having a temporary bike on loan at Christmas or something. It's not fair that every date I go on doesn't measure up because they do know how to rank the apscar scale in Latin. I'm never going to find a Jewish OGBYN on a dating site, no matter how hard Zach words on my profile." Maggie works to keep her voice calm. 

"Maggie..."

"None of this is your fault; I need to be better at drawing lines under things and turning into some hapless version of Penelope waiting for you to come how from your epic journey" Maggie continues empathically. 

"I'm not.."

Maggie physically backs away heading down the hallway, relieved when she spots Charlie and Billy at the other end of the room. Sydney calls out softly but doesn't make a move to follow. She won't make a scene in the middle of the hospital, especially with cameras around. There is a hint of satisfaction in being the one to walk away. 

Maggie struggles to muster a smile when Billy brandishes a hat for the obligatory Secret Santa draw. 

***

There isn't anybody else you want in your corner if there is a crisis with a baby. 

Mrs Appleby's womb is almost as hostile as she is, every treatment fails, but the baby is clinging to life. Therefore, there is nothing Dr Katz won't do to increase the odds of survival. Maggie naturally falls into the role of her assistant and Billy is hovering and obsessively monitoring the fetal vital signs. As predicted, the baby's heart is under too much pressure and needs the surgery without delay. Unfortunately, Mrs Appleby has chosen that moment to resemble every terrified patient on the planet and panic. 

The problem is this particular mother to have an army of people whose's job is to cater and solve her every whim and desire. The idea of seeing their boss in a panic is sending everyone else into a spin. Several people in the private room look like they are going to faint, and it has nothing to do with the artificial air temperature. 

"Haley, listen to me. You baby is in trouble and rescuing mothers and babies in distresses is my job; it is my life work. If I am going to bring your son safety in the world, you need to sign the consent form without taking advice from anyone else."

"But I want..." 

"Your doula and midwife, I know but we are beyond their considerable skillsets. If you line up 20 experts, they will tell you the same thing, sue me later but sign the paper now."

"Will you save my baby?"

"I am the only one in the province with a frightening change of so in the next 10 minutes. His oxygen levels are dropping and won't respond to whatever herb the lifestyle guru's taunting this month. As if in answer, the heartrate monitor begins to spike. 

Dawn looks like halfway between horrified and expressed while she ushers the retainer's out of the room. She may be a diplomat as well as a doctor, but she knows not to interfere with this situation. Maggie moves to the other side of the bed, unhooking the machine's from the wall. 

***

Maggie doesn't feel any better for the 'resolution.'

It doesn't help that every second nurse or orderly is wearing some form of generic Christmas gear. The operation went well, and the baby is stable in the intensive care unit. He is too early, but his heart is no longer pumping so weakly. Sydney was magnificent and turned the emergency into a teaching exercise. 

If you were to do a straw poll of all her friends and family, many would say she is doing the right thing. Sydney Katz isn't exactly a popular topic, especially when she actively avoids any social situations. There are still rumours about her jilting a husband at the altar and making two separate junior doctors consider changing professions. There are even a few malicious comments about her being the most conservative gay person since the Chainy daughter came out. Maggie wants to defend her but doesn't have the time or tolerance for the gentle teasing right now. 

"What's Sydney Katz done now? You only get that dreamy yet wounded look and rigid body language when she is around. You have a whole language for interacting with the tiny Jewish doctor." 

"She hasn't done anything; you don't need to push off your friendship coat of arms. We are simply developing boundaries for her stay and working with Mrs Appleby."

"Then why do you look devastated and she is filling out relocation paperwork with Dawn while lecturing foundation doctors on how hardcore OBGYN is as a speciality?" 

Maggie tries to talk around the lump in her throat, but it becomes too painful under Alex's gentle reassurance and presence. Maybe it's a best friend thing she can remember doing similar favours for Alex in the early days with Charlie and Joel. Whatever happens, she knows that the small Reid-Harris family at in her corner for better or worse. 

"Because the only thing we have any talent at is discussing sick patients and the best ways to cure them."

"Give her chance, Maggie, she is making an effort here. Its Christmas and all that"

"Sydney is Jewish Alex, the holiday doesn't mean anything to her, as evidenced by her taking this nightmare assignment." 

"The festive season means two weeks off from rotation, intake of new students and an invitation from Dawn to head the department in the new year" Alex informs knowingly. 

Maggie pauses she hadn't stayed around long enough to hear about the salient details about Sydney's plans. The satisfaction of being the one to walk away leaves her out of the loop. She was a half expecting to avoid the other doctor until she flew back to Israel. 

"Stop scowling at every piece of tinsel you see and have it out with the woman. Mopping isn't doing you any favours, especially when you are stuck with such an aggravating patient. 

"I'm focusing on the baby, who is a collection of bizarre symptoms and struggles. Who knows maybe Hope Zion will get some positive hashtags out of the whole business?"

"My point remains the same. Avoiding Sydney isn't making you feel any better, is it?" 

"No, but can't handle seeing her walk away again."

"I don't think she will, but I'm here for a debrief whatever happens."

***

"See I'm at my quota too, in a different way but its the same feeling."

Maggie isn't entirely surprised to see Sydney Katz leaning against her car in the staff parking. Sydney did promise not to run away again. They aren't avoiding each other exactly, but this is the first time they were alone. Syd is scrupulously respectful of boundaries and personal space to the point of not allowing effective communication. 

Sydney Katz is moving around the hospital like a general going to war. She is the centre of the Haley Appleby storm and is directing staff with grace and patience. Maggie can admit that her former teacher gets things done when the health of a pregnant woman is at stake. 

"I don't need to come back to Hope Zion nearly as often as I do, not even for patients as complicated and challenging as Haley. The team at Summer Hill are competent, and Siloh is scarily efficient" Sydney confesses with a sad smile. 

"Then why do you waste the air miles, it's certainly not to improve your interpersonal skills." 

"Believe it or not what you are witnessing today _is_ the better version of my people skills. Being around you seems to bring out the worse of my childish avoidance and inability to form a coherent sentence that contains an emotion statement." 

"I can't argue with that piece of self-reflection. Our respective therapists must be earning a small fortune in untangling our messes. I'm surprised Dr Green doesn't add a Sydney Katz surcharge."

"The thing is I'm at my quota for walking away from you; pretending to get back to a life without you in it. Doing such a thing was foolish when you were recovering from head trauma but feels positively ridiculous now." 

Maggie doesn't like the sad tinge in the other doctor's voice, and her instinct is to comfort and provide reassurance. However, right now, it takes too much energy to summon false cheer and wisdom. Maggie wants to go home and curl up with Snowflake and get a headstart on her post-Sydney ritual. 

"What exactly are you saying? I need you to use more verbs and nouns. Comprehension isn't my strongest suit after a week of night shifts" Maggie could add that seeing Sydney is worse than odd shift pattern. 

Sydney senes the shift in mood and moves forward slowly, keeping a respectful distance between them. Her lab coat looks almost blindingly white in the dim surroundings. To anyone on the outside, Syd looks like the embodiment of serenity. Maggie can see twitches and nervous habits. 

"I am saying that I can build a perfectly fine practice in Canada and no longer need the comfort of Israel to regain my faith. It's foolish to use an entire country as a security blanket when I have friends here and a family who night still accept me."

Sydney moves fractionally closer and tucks away a loose lock of hair, there is a faint tremble in her hands, but her voice remains steady. The years of voice training and scriptural reading is evident when she talks about essential matters. 

"Most of all, I'm saying that planning a future is pointless unless I at least try to include you in the discussion. There are only so many emergency deliveries I can use to fly into Hope Zion, and I'm not suddenly going to manage a clean break after two years."

"Syd..."

"You don't need to answer right away or change any plans. I know you are looking for OBGYN positions and want to continue your publishing with Dr Reid. We can start at whatever point you are comfortable with, and I promise not to walk away without explanation."

"and kissing me without giving me the right of reply?" Maggie asks with a half-smile. 

"Right no more kissing between rants about Harry Potter or discussions about your intracranial pressure." Sydney agrees solemnly 

"I am a fan of the first thing, not so much the second one. Shakar is proud of that team effort and my pressure stats."

"I know he introduced me to the LGBT hospital groups. Your operation was a topic of conversation. He ranks your recovery as his best work." 

"Typical neuro egos in play there but I can't fault his technique."

" I think every doctor is guilty of a certain level of ego and ones that are easy to bruise and dent, given the right provacation." Sydney offers with a grin. 

"Fair point, in our case in particular"

"Will you let me take you to dinner so we can discuss away from the parking lot? I promise no Christmas spices, crabs or cheesy Christmas carols" Sydney asks 

Maggie doesn't answer; she smiles and holds out her hand. 

A Christmas miracle of sorts. 


	2. A Christmas Dinner

_ We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men; and among those fibers, as sympathetic threads, our actions run as causes, and they come back to us as effects."  _

_ ― Herman Melville _

They end up having dinner at her home. 

Sydney Katz would love to claim that this turn of events is by design or some romantic gesture. The demands and duties of a busy metropolitan hospital win out, and they both extend their shifts to cover emergency cases. Fortunately, Mrs Appleby didn't require their attention and Maggie didn't need to worry about being on camera. By the time the worse cases are stable, and on the wards, it is well past midnight, and Maggie Lin is barely functional. Syd recognises that weird space of bone-weary but also contending with too much energy. 

"It's not much but its homely enough for a nomadic doctor."

Sydney is proud of her set up in the small annexe with a reformist scholar and his family. It took courage to reach out to a new Jewish community and ask for sanctuary. So far things are going well, she has a bathroom, kitchenette and entrance. It's lovely to share communal meals and celebrations with an observant family who understands the path. 

"This is wonderful - I was envisioning you in a featureless chain hotel, bribing the staff to include kosher varieties." Maggie disagrees quickly 

"If anything, I am gaining too many pounds."

"You have the metabolism and eating habits of a hummingbird. It delights me to know somebody is force-feeding you delicious bread and casseroles regularly." 

"Rest assumed whatever rent I am paying this family I am getting back tenfold in kindness and care."

"I am sure you give them as much, I noticed the medication charge you are making on the kitchen counter," Maggie says with a gentle smile. 

"Rachel's mother has Parkinson and is struggling to adjust to the routines; it's the least I could do, besides its a challenge for this OBGYN to learn geriatric medication routines."

Maggie smiles and gently traces a hand along with the medication bottles lost in thought. Syd guides her to the kitchenette that has a barstool and bench. The space is tight, but it is functional and clean. Sydney rarely needs any more room; she rarely entertains and is at the hospital most of the time. 

"I did a whole lot of cooking and baking last weekend. There should still be plenty of leftovers. I haven't quite got the proportions right for cooking for a single person. Frequently I'm eating Challah. for two weeks straight."

Sydney worries about sounding too pathetic or lonely. The truth is the Jewish home builds around sharing everything, including food. It still feels strange to welcome someone into such a quiet house. 

"Anything sounds wonderful right now."

***

"Thank you so much." 

Sydney smiles as she watches Maggie devour her third or fourth Latke. The 'potato pancake' is a Jewish comfort food staple and is popular in all delis. Syd cannot claim to make the best version of the treats, but the crunchy carbohydrates will sate Maggie's hunger and allow her to sleep better. 

"I'm glad you like them, I'll email you the recipe if you want. There is no great magic in it. My lack of talent in the area of traditional Jewish cooking proves who easy they are" 

"I'd like that."

Maggie says the word quietly as she pulls apart the potato cakes with the nervous fingers. They are still unsure around each other even though they are starting to communicate. Of course, there is an argument that they never started in a comfortable space and can only make the process. 

"Do you think the Appleby Baby has a good chance after this surgery?" Maggie asks conversationally. 

"Its hard to say without the next rounds of scans but there is a fighting chance, now that there isn't so much pressure. I'm not sure how the idea of bed rest will go down." 

"At least it might mean a few fewer cameras and blog posts." 

"I doubt that. How do you deal with the pressure of being the last hope for such sick mothers and babies? I hate the way they talk to you."

"The Appleby family is far from typical Maggie. Remember, you focus on the baby and their collection of problems. The family situation is largely irrelevant at this stage in the game."

"Yes, Dr Katz" Maggie teases gently. 

"Sorry for somebody who scores so poorly on the teaching evaluation forms I can't stop slipping into lecture mode when the topic is babies. It's probably a good thing I avoid the Mum and Baby groups." 

"You were a strict teacher, Syd but never a bad one. If my feels stayed in the professional realm, there would be no problems. Its the combining of the two that we could never keep straight for lack of a better description." 

"Understatement of the decade." 

"My vocabulary takes a nosedive. in the early hours."

"I don't regret our situation for all the challenges and missed moments" Sydney whispers almost to herself. 

"I feel the same way, especially the amount of awesome food."

***

"Is it too ridiculous to tell you that this a Miriah Cary moment for me?" 

Sydney is curious about the faint blush on Maggie's checks, but she pretends not to notice as she breaks another piece of bread from the loaf. She has to thank Mrs Wineberg for restocking her supplies this weep, in deference to the unpredictable nature of shift work. Such small acts of kindness mean everything when your family is still hostile and refuse every attempt at making peace. Syd is an ideal tenant in all practical ways, but she needs to start making an effort to show appreciation. 

"I can't judge that Maggie, seeing as I don't understand the reference in the slightest."

"Surely, even you haven't escaped the song or at least  _ Love Actually  _ the most ubiquitous. Christmas movie of all time."

"Remind me."

"I don't have the signing talent or the stamina for a full rendition but in summary, being here with you is the best way I know to spend a non-Christmas celebration. It's the light in a tough year full of uncertainty and pain."

"I'm sorry that I can't be more of a sure thing..."

"I told you once that I'm still here, that statement doesn't come with qualifiers about how perfect you are or how unbroken the past is I care about the messed up version of you just as much as the hardcore specialist. I don't think you ever understood that. The one time when a surgeon's ego would serve you well." 

Sydney shrugs her shoulders self-deprecating but doesn't say anything in response, her throat was too throat to form words, and she doesn't want to cry. 

***

"I meant what I said before, a practice based in Canada is entirely possible. Dawn and Shiloh take turns in hassling me to come on home regularly. Cowardness is the only thing that keeps me away. Now that I am not a Jewish woman, afraid of both my proverbial and spiritual shadow." 

"What will that look like in practice?"

Maggie is desperately trying not to sound too hopeful, but the cadence of her voice is all wrong. Syd cannot resist reaching out a hand and squeezing her fingers softly. 

"At the moment I will pick up specialist locum work and both Hope Zion and Summer Hill. Shiloh will demand her pound of flesh for the patients I landed her with after my first nomadic wanderings. I'll pick up a few students and post-doc fellows for my sins." 

"Do I need to worry about losing my place as your favourite but most troubling student?" Maggie jokes 

"You challenge me, Maggie, you were never troubling. As for the last part, you will never face serious competition in my ranking system."

Maggie flushes a happy smile as she takes a second plate of food. Having something to do with her hands seems to give her courage. Neither of them should be having such an in-depth conversation after work. However, they seem incapable of having a single interaction without tripping over the past and insecurities. 

"That sounds like an excellent plan. It'll be a bonus not to change timezones if I ever get the courage to chase after you after a 'kiss and run' move" Maggie quips drily. 

"Mags..."

"That was a cheap shot and unworthy of the lovely time we are having, forget I said anything."

Sydney offers a sad smile and hands over the plate of bread snacks as something of a peace offering. Food is the language of forgiveness in many cultures, especially when it comes to mending broken connections and rifts. 

"You are welcome to the occasional shots, Maggie, cheap or not"

***

"What's that?"

Sydney tries not to stiffen at the innocent question as they hear a sharp knock at the door and the thump of something landing on the step. If she listens hard enough, Syd can count and recognises the heavy footfalls as they hurry away. Deliveries at this time of the year are not uncommon even in Jewish households but this moment isn't a reason to celebrate. 

"Leave it, its nothing to worry about."

Its too late Maggie is moving to the door, chatting lightly about the possibility of perishable foods. Her cheerful chatter subsides, and Syd knows what she is seeing. The numbers vary, but there will be a large stack of letters and boxes with an angry 'return to sender' in red. The passive-aggressiveness is far from original, but the action still manages to inflict pain effectively. 

"The family does not appreciate my gifts and letters at large, and they don't want to waste money on postage. This way serves to purposes, returning and checking up on the wayward daughter. 

"Why don't you report them or at least get the postal services on your side."

Syd winces at the outrage building in the other woman. They don't have the time or energy for a full debate about the merits of Jewish parenting and family dynamics. Strangely, it feels almost comforting to know those other members of the Katz care enough to scorn her personally. It means that her name is still alive in at the Sconogge and the social events. The alternative is a complete shunning and silence, which always gives her nightmares. 

Maggie reluctantly drops the passels on the kitchen table before sitting next Syd, willing her temper under control. They sit in awkward since for a while before Sydney summons the courage to speak. 

"You must remember that my parents aren't merely losing a child to a different path. They are missing a  _ Jewish  _ child who lives in the faith; I am unrevealing the threads of their being. The pain is profound and hurts to the soul. As I told you at the very beginning of this whole complicated mess, it's a difficult concept for people without religion to comprehend" 

"I hate the idea of seeing you are suffering Syd, no matter how mad or frustrated you make me; I want you to be happy."

"I know but know that I am not suffering too badly, it is hard and unfair, but I don't regret the choice to come out — my expectations for success with the Katz family. My Jewish horizons are expanding along with everything else."

***

"Why are you crying?"

Sydney almost whispers the question as she starts clearing away the plates from their impromptu feast. By unspoken agreement, Maggie is staying on the couch tonight. There is no sense in her driving home in such a fatigued state. The Winebergs have an excellent couch in the annexe, and it serves as an extra bed or Sydney's crash pad after a long shift. 

Maggie looks like the definition of an exhausted and overworked young doctor. Sydney feels a pang of empathy for her and everyone in a similar position. 

"I'm crying because it's true, I meant every word, and I can't stand the idea of you going through that every few days."

Sydney is something of an expert in deciphering crying speech, but even so, she has to listen carefully to catch each of the words. 

"It's partially my fault for not accepting the banishment with grace and dignity." 

"It still doesn't make what they are doing right, Syd." 

Sydney pulls Maggie into a loose hug before wiping at the tears with gentle fingertips. They stay like that for a long moment. Syd knows that this outburst is symptomatic of long shifts with few breaks and food. 

"It's been a long day with our patented plenty of miscommunication, medicine and mayhem. There is no sense in rehashing old wounds now, much less tackling the more significant problem of my family. Let's shelve this until at least 6 hours sleep."

"Please don't leave again for parts unknown, I don't think Alex and Charlie could handle another cycle of me missing you."

"I promise."

Sydney gently guides Maggie to the bed/couch and encourages her to sit or lay down depending on her levels of coordination and comprehension. There is something profoundly moving about the simple gesture of care and comfort. Thankfully the junior doctor is not on call for the next few days and can get some proper rest. Hopefully, they can resolve some of the pain and unease between them. 

"You aren't my only reasons for coming home, but you are the most important to me. I know you don't believe me right now and nor should you."

Maggie starts to reply, but she starts to fall asleep and Sydney smiles as she rearranges everything and moves to the corner of the bed, twining their hands together. 

***

"I feel the same way you know."

"Mmmm?"

Maggie asks the question through a yawn as she curls further in the coach. Theoretically, they are sharing a cup of tea before bed, but they are both falling asleep more than drinking. Sydney feels marginally more awake because she is on staff at Hope Zion and can focus solely on her particular caseload. Still, the emotional depth of their conversation is draining and painful. It makes Syd smile that so many of Maggie's friends are texting and messaging her from the staff 'pre Christmas' party.

"About this being the best festive season you could imagine? The pop song? I feel the same way." 

"But your family is still temperamental and painful; you will be spending one of the most sacred Jewish holidays alone. You need to raise your standards, Katz. If you stick around long enough, I will make next year the best" Maggie protests vainly. 

"The Jewish calendar is full of celebrations and condemnations. I won't be short of opportunities to experience both. At this moment, being here with you is the best I could hope for, few will offer such forgiveness."

"You had me at Jewish pastry."

"Still, I will work hard to earn your graciousness, Maggie. For now, you need to sleep." 

"Will you be here in the morning?" Maggie can't hide the insecurity in her voice. 

"I'll be here with more baked goods and freshly laundered clothes. I'll text Alex and Jackson and let them know where you are, even if it risks the inevitable teasing and gossip-mongering." 

"My hero," Maggie whispers before falling asleep.

As she listens to the cadence of Maggie's breathing Sydney knows that she is no hero. What she did tonight is the bare minimum of human decency to a colleague in trouble. She has a long way to make amends for past mistakes, even if Maggie doesn't hold them against her. True bravery comes from facing your mistakes and trying in small and big ways to do better. Nothing is solved right now, and there is much talking still to do before making decisions. 

Syd gets up and wraps Maggie in a blanket rearranging her limbs for maximum comfort. Like most hospital doctors, her former student can't fall asleep on a dime and doesn't wake up at the interruption. Her limbs are loose and floppy underneath the wool blanket. 

"Sweet Dreams Maggie"


	3. A Hanukkah Miracle or Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everyone. I hope everything is safe, if unusual times.

_ "People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don't even recognise: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child—our own two eyes. All is a miracle."  _

_ ― Thich Nhat Hanh _

"Hey, I just saw the roster, why are you working for the nine days straight. There are ways to cover for Hanukkah observances ?"

Sydney Katz, I may be in a weird and possibly damaging place emotionally, but there is a certain joy in being in her work orbit again. Our chats about cases, techniques and conferences can often be the highlight of my day. Whatever Zach thinks our weekends together aren't all that scandalous, there is plenty of reading, debating and long walks. Syd may be a proud lesbian now, but that does not mean she underwent a massive personality shift. 

There is a profound sadness in knowing that my sort-of girlfriend is staying away from the community. No amount of Hope Zion parties or offers will compensate for that grief. She may be staying at the hospital because it is familiar ground with equally typical expectations. Her faith is a delicate topic between us, being the source of so much hurt. Still, I need to broach the issue at least. Our communication is far from perfect, and I am still in denial, but tenderness and concern were an overriding emotion even during the worst times. 

"I know that Maggie, but the opportunity to celebrate, doesn't automatically translate into a restful and reflective celebration. Especially no for somebody in my position." Sydney smiles sadly at me. 

"What do you mean?" I ask while closing the door behind us. 

Sydney gestures me over to the couch in the OBGYN office but is her domain for the rest of the shift. My s girlfriend hates blurring the lines between personal and professional, but a need to talk is fundamental. It's a sign of relationship progress that neither of us starts dancing around the topic of switching to safer ground. After a moment's hesitation, Syd rests her head on my shoulder. 

"There are many ways to celebrate Hanukah, especially now with so many different families all over the world. None of them is better or worse, merely a reflection of the variations in the faith. However, the fundamental feature of each is the togetherness of family and generations." Sydney explains softly keeping her gaze on the wall. 

"I thought things were getting better with your sister, the phone calls seem happy?" I asked while stroking her hair. 

"Better is not the same as an entirely clean slate. We come from a where the menorah has been in the family for generations. The recipes will pass through many more hands in future. Both sets of grandparents will recite the blessings. Becca wants and deserves a peaceful time without constantly playing diplomat."

"Is that why you hesitate to look for a reformist temple? Because they will not have the same feeling or connection?" the question slips out before I can stop it. 

"Partially, my roots run deep in that place, even if they no longer recognise me as a member. Faith is the journey of a lifetime; comfort will come eventually." Syd replies, leaning back up. 

"Is there anything I can do?" I ask without much hope. 

"Do you remember telling me that us a reconnecting was a bit like a Christmas morning? Complete with nervous promise and expectation?" Sydney returns the question unexpectedly. 

"Plenty about that particular conversation is memorable, that incoherent ramble sure sounds like me." I feel my face flush at the heat of what came after. 

"Well, I feel the same. The odds were so against me ever connecting with you, much less again after so many missteps. You are here asking that question is something of Hanukah miracle that I don't take for granted this time." Sydney is looking at me most earnestly. 

The words are a little dramatic, and Syd looks awkward and stiff, saying them, but the gesture still touches my soul. Therapist #2 will have something to say about me repeating problematic patterns, but something about this feels different. I find myself at the whim of two familiar emotions, cowardness and courage. Alex is the one in our group who will risk everything for love. This pattern of lunches, dinners and sleepovers is lovely, but it is simultaneously an unsustainable bubble. 

"Syd, I want you to know..." 

In a piece of excellent cosmic timing, Sydney's phone rings with a specific tone. There are only a handful of people she will immediately answer the phone for, she has better habits than most people our age. I don't need her sudden stiffness and rapid moment to the door to know that something is wrong. Syd is talking in a mixture of English and Hebrew. 

"Rivka is feeling sick and weak, with spiking BP. They are 5 minutes from the Hope Zion." Syd explains as I jog to keep up with her. 

***

** Day One: Admissions and Blessings.  **

"Wellcome back, Mrs Freidman. Your little man is giving you a bit of trouble? Bily asks in his usually cheerful tone. 

I linger in the doorway to Rebecca Freidman's room. The instinct to follow Sydney was overwhelming, but I have no official role here, technically neither does Syd. Billy Scott will be handling the intake process, and Dr Rossen will be observing any issues with the baby. Rebecca Freidman is not part of my cancer study. However, she is still a Hope Zion patient; it makes sense given our proximity to her oncology team and the Labour and Delivery Team's collective experience. It's too different from telling whether or not her sister's employment plays a role in Rebecca's decision. 

"Everything was going so well, but now I feel sick all the time, and he isn't moving around nearly as much." Rebbeca explains fearfully stroking her belly protectively. 

"You did the right thing coming in. Dr Rossen thinks your body is still recovering from the shock of surgery and chemo. You've been a trooper but its best to take advantage of the hospital team willing to play your backup. The heartrate monitor looks good, but I'm going to put you on a few rounds of fluids. 

Rebecca Freidman looks exactly like a woman who is pregnant while dealing with stage II cancer. The months of treatment, stress and worry are taking their toll. However, she is maintaining healthy clinical signs that are worth celebrating. Her baby is close to a viable age, and she remains in remission. The occasional setbacks are foreseeable complications, especially with such a complex history. In a way, Syd has been waiting for this call. 

***

** Day Two: Fearful Blessings.  **

"Should I have brought her in earlier, Sydney? Should we not have done so much cooking in preparation for the Shabbat feast?" Samuel asks anxiously. 

I wince and Samuel Friedman's unintentionally thoughtless words. He is talking about activities that his sister in law would normally undertake. If there is any way to reinforce her isolation, it's by mentioning the community gatherings. Even though Samuel takes an unusually active role in such things with Rebecca being weak still, there is still a place where Sydney should be with them. 

As with most things, Syd accepts the insult wordlessly and focuses on the duty at hand. Only if you are watching closely is her flinch visible or the faint tremble in her hand as she puts down a book. The soft sounds of the trip and the IV monitor provide constant background noise. Neither Syd nor I interfere when the nurses come to do their rounds and leave the room when Dr Rosen comes in to review. 

"You are following the list of restrictions carefully, Samuel. There is no reason to think there is an association between cooking and side effects. In fact, activity is good for women at this stage of pregnancy and helps get the joints and ligaments strong." Sydney repeats the reassurance calmly. 

"Why is this happening now?" 

"Rivka's body is still going through plenty of struggles. Nothing is within concerning parameters." Sydney refuses the notion by gesturing at the chart. 

"The other babies were once healthy too." Rebecca interjects her eyes wet with tears. 

"This pregnancy is different from the others, Rebecca. You are showing none of the markers from before. The baby is growing on every scan, even with this current sickness, the fetal measures are still steady. A concerning sign is not the same as a _catastrophic_ signal. We are ready to fight tooth and nail." I cannot help but interject. 

Dawn Bell would reprimand me for crossing the line with somebody who is not my patient. The mechanics of the Friedman’s hospital stay is scrupulously by the book. There can be no question of conflict. Despite what Syd herself says, the L&D is the place for a slightly deeper level of connection. I am going to specialise in the field for a reason. If I have my way, my relationship with the eldest Katz sister will have some clarity sooner rather than later. The flickering of the fake candle is proof that exceptions work. 

***

** Day Three: Truthful Blessings  **

"Are you and my sister dating, Dr Lin?" 

I barely resist the urge to shriek in surprise at the unexpected comment. Billy Scott was freaking out about the final numbers on the fetal monitor. I was fairly confident there wasn't a major problem, but I felt obligated to look as his unofficial supervisor. Rebecca Freidman was sound asleep, a relative rarity in the three days she has been here. My efforts to peak at the Ipad screen are not as discreet as in the student days. Samual has duties at the temple, so we are alone for the most part. 

It is gratifying to see that Rebecca looks healthier with the fluids and drugs on board for 72 hours. The family menorah or a smaller version is on the windowpane. Samual will recite the prayers at the appropriate hour. Syd brokers a compromise and use safe electric lights in the hospital grounds. The Rabbi was surprisingly amenable to the change, Rebbeca and Samual were mainstays in their community. 

"Billy Scott is a delightful person and reminds me of my favourite students. Dr Rossen and his nurses are unfailingly polite and respectful. I couldn't figure out why you weren't saving the day again, Sydney's protegee, at all." Rebecca continues there was no accusation in her tone. 

"There is an inherent conflict when matters get to personal. I wouldn't do anything differently in terms of the treatment plan. If that is any consulation." I differ the question with the absolute truth. 

"Of course, she fell in love with someone like you, full of all the medical words, ambitions and hopes. Somebody who believes in her efforts to rewrite the definition of a miricle." 

"We have a lot to work through before getting to that point. I stand by my original point that Sydney Katz is the best baby doctor in the province." I say with a weak smile. 

"Your eyes give you away, Dr Lin. I cannot claim to understand, but I will stand up for my sister." Rebecca vows quietly locking our gazes. 

There is nothing that I can say to that proclamation so return my focus to the readings in front of me. There aren't many things that the Katz sisters share, but their penetrating gaze is almost identical. Sydney will be a stronger woman in her faith and identity if Rebecca Freidman says in her corner. There are so many different ways to be an ally. I can only hope that the long divisions fracturing this family will have a chance of healing with the help of a Hanukah blessing or two. I could never claim to be neutral, but I feel genuine sympathy for the older Katz. Estrangement from your children is easy burdon, my father would know. 

***

** Day Four: Blessings and Heartaches.  **

Rebecca Freidman and her baby are experiencing a relatively minor emergency. 

Both wife and husband understand the nature of her condition and the vulnerabilities. They didn't take any chances and came in at the first signs of trouble. The orthodox Jewish faith may have questions about modern medicine, but Rebecca wasn't going to take any chances with her miracle. Her body is still sick, and there can be no doubt that my radical surgery did not eliminate all danger. They will have fortnightly or weekly scans depending on the discharge results. 

Dr Rossen is confident that they can go home within the week if the numbers stay stable. The bed rest and constant promising monitoring of the baby are doing them both good psychologically. There is also an excellent opportunity for students and trainees to recognise working with families long term. Billy Scott has the makings of an excellent specialist if that's what he wants. I feel a bit superfluous to requirements but still want to be there actively to support Syd. Rebecca doesn't say a word after our conversation. 

"I suppose we were doing pretty well—three entire weeks without any major drama. At least, Rebbecca doesn't require you preforming heroics this time." Sydney comments before taking a bite of her dinner. 

"Unless you count me trying to convince myself we were casual, as a drama. The permanent imprint of my gangling limbs in your hobbit bed, begs to differ." I decide to be blunt with my assessment. 

Sydney tilts her head curiously before taking a second to speak. We are sharing a light dinner away from the hospital. These dinners have become something of a ritual while Becca is on the ward. 

"I don't think we are talking about a matter of being casual. It's more of a case of a complete inability to have a conversation without the adrenalin of former relationships, head injuries, unexpected babies or continents between us. I think we are both subconsciously waiting for the ship to sink or something." Sydney muses looking both sad and reflective. 

"For the record, if something like this happens to you, I want an official position at the hospital, not old friend and person by defult." the words are scary but utterly truthful at the same time. 

"Well, Hanukah is a time for connection and openness, perhaps we can work from that foundation. Score one for our respective therapists." Sydney offers with a beaming smile. 

***

** Day Five: Blessings and Change **

"This is upfront to the meaning of the faith, but perhaps no worst than the Katz family deserve." 

It takes considerable willpower when I hear Mrs Katz speak in the empty hospital room. The older woman is sitting with perfect posture in the visitor's chair. She is waiting for Rebecca to return from the last rounds of tests before going home. Our patient is spiking a mild fever that Dr Rosen isn't thrilled about, and everybody wants to be conservative. The Katz matriarch is glaring at the menorah with its artificial light. Whereas I see beauty, she considers rejection and pain, in the form of mockery. 

"Your youngest daughter and future grandson are doing well. There is no need to think she won't be out of here in a day or two." I try to remain upbeat and optimistic. I couldn't help the reminder she has two daughters. 

There is a gift in her lap, with neat ribbons and bows. Mrs Katz seems to be paying it little attention as if she is lost in thought. So far, Sydney and her parents have done a masterful job of avoiding and ignoring each other. It helps that they are on opposite schedules for most of the week. The older Katz have plenty to do at the temple. 

"You have some nerve making that proclamation when Rebecca is making a move away from us, following her older sister to the reformists, expecting this new life of hers. The welcome pack is a surprise for Sydney, not doubt." Mrs Katz gestures bitterly to what is in her lap. 

"I cannot and will not pretend to understand your position, but you are here waiting on the birth of a grandson because Sydney works tirelessly against the odds. Shouldn't the reunifications of your daughters be a source of joy rather than torment?" I say the words without much hope of success. 

"All our problems are at her feet. The decision to reject Hershel and turn her back on everything we taught her to believe. I wouldn't expect someone like you do to understand. Will Rebecca be back tonight or not?" Mrs Katz asks a clear dismissal. 

"I wouldn't expect you to understand how wonderful and faithful the daughter you are willing to throw away truly is, Mrs Katz. Know that both your daughters think the world of you." I say the parting shot as respectfully as I can. 

The older woman glowers at me for a moment before turning her back to the candles. Syd's words from long ago come back to me, and they apply now. Either her parents will come around or they won't, there is little that anyone on the outside can do except hope. However, I cannot help a pang of sympathy for the woman who is so utterly alone but cling stubbornly to her beliefs. 

***

** Day Six: Blessings and Hope  **

"What is it that you hope for in the future?" 

"Aside from plucking up the courage to ask you out on a date without numerous interrupts or disasters?" I am only half-joking. 

We are escorting Rebecca and Samual around the park that is a short work from the hospital. Every member of the Katz family going a little stir crazy from being on the ward. Dr Rosen is happy to let Rebecca out for a brief walk. In more ways than a marriage of faith; they adore each other at a fundamental level. Will Syd and I get to that stage one day? It's a charming and slightly terrifying thought for a commitment-phobe like me but wonderful all the same. 

"Yes, I'm thinking long term. Let's go out on a limb and say we figure out how to communicate like functional adults. Where do you want to be when this contract ends, Dr Lin?" Syd asks nudging me playfully. 

"I would like a senior position in obstetrics with the ability to build my research profile. Plus the ability to live in an apartment that has more to recommend it than suitable for one cat and a one person, with limited domestic skills. I want to learn my dad's cooking again and get over being in his shadow." the words come tumbling surprisingly easily. 

"A question that comes up in therapy, huh?" Sydney teases me affectionately before kissing me gently on the check. 

"Don't they all, in one way or another?" I reply with a shrug. 

"She doesn't say so, but I think Dr Sydney Elaine Katz represents something of a cliche for Rabbi Stien. Mother issues, faith issues, identity issues. She does approve of you, though. Says you seem to provide a steading influence and calming advice." Sydney parrots the words in an almost exact tone. 

"Well, if we have the approval of our mental health professionals, how can we go wrong?" I return her grin. 

"Nothing if we continue on the path of actually communicating and not relying on the fly by kissing to convey an adequate amount of information and emotion. We need to follow the matchmaker's steps in reverse, knowing where we want to end up and building a bridge there." Sydney sounds solemn, but her eyes are sparkling with excitement. 

There is still a long way to go. We can't have a heart to heart in the park and solve years worth of baggage. Therapist #2 will have plenty of work in the coming weeks. However, for once, we are moving together in the same direction, without the regret of recrimination and miscommunication. I don't feel that hopeless sense of waiting for somebody who may never have the ability to love me back. Miracles are not my department, but this feels like something close. 

** Day Seven: Blessings and Home **

There is no grand reconciliation before Rebecca leaves the hospital. 

I guess my diet of cheesy American movies growing up is showing. A part of me held out hope that the Katz parents will come to their senses at not risk losing both daughters. However, everything continues at the same pace, with each party carefully avoiding difficult topics and times. Rebecca still keeps the peace, but she is adamant about leaving the synagogue. Thankfully I am not there for most of the name-calling or recrimination of old ground. 

They treat Sydney respectfully, but like they haven't seen her for years or a distant relative. There is no comment on my presence or occasionally shows of affectation. The only thing that gives me slight hope is that there is no cancelling of preexisting plans or holiday dinners. Samual makes a point of inviting Sydney and not accepting any of her careful evasions. Even the wonderful Dr Katz needs to take time off eventually. 

"Don't get too discouraged Dr Lin, for our family of late, that was practically a warm and friendly reception." Rebecca counsels with a fleeting smile. 

"How are you feeling?" I ask already half knowing the answer. 

"A thousand times better than before. The combination of fluids, a bossy sister and a Hanukah miracle or two has me right as rain. More importantly, Dr Rossen says baby's growth charts are where they should be, and he is coping with the chemo well." Rebecca reports unable to keep the excitement from her tone. 

"Well, I expect to see some photos of Baby Freidman when he makes his official appearance in the world. Hopefully, the next eight weeks will go more smoothly than the previous ones. Resist the Katz stubbornness and rest, okay? Your body is the best messaging system." I instruct, falling back into doctor mode. 

"Oh I think you will see more of my son than a few generic photos, I plan on letting my sister go anytime soon." 

***

** Day Eight: New Blessings  **

Our first official date is adorably Jewish, and it makes me smile. 

Sydney decides that she needs to replace some of the historical items and keepsakes in a Jewish home. She will never challenge her sister's right to the family pieces. The last few days motivate her to look for ways to connect to her routes in new ways. To my surprise, Syd develops friendships with members of Rebecca's new temple, and they are friends online. While Syd is not ready to join officially, they are unfailingly welcoming, which is how we find ourselves in a Jewish store run by a former patient's cousin. I feel protective, but the two of them are getting on like a house on fire. 

"Dr Katz, you brought the next generation of my family into the world. My uncle tells me you are not one to seek praise, as is proper. However, we would be honoured if you would accept some of our work for your home." the tall older man says respectfully. 

I have only the faintest notion of what all this means, but Sydney clings to my hand tightly as she follows him. Some aspects represent everyday use and others specifically for holidays like Hanukah. Even a novice like me can see the craft and history in each piece. There is no sign of mass production anywhere. Some of the items are small while others bare impressive dimension and can cover walls. 

I can already see what could go well with the colour schemes in Syd's apartments. From the way she is gesturing and grinning, she is thinking along the same lines. There is a delightful sense of permanence in the idea of putting down roots in Canada and seeing where this relationship can go. It will be worth putting up with Alex's gentle jokes about U-Haul 


End file.
